They call me Emily and I've got dirt under my feet and stars in my mind.

embrace-your-inner-lunatic:

danaorherdouble:

casandkittens:

gandalfthesassy:

casandkittens:

today a kid in my Drama class got detention but he pulled a Monopoly get Out Of Jail free card out of his wallet and my teacher let him out of it

how do you get detention in drama

long story short he kicked the ceiling by accident

how do you kick a ceiling

by accident

have you ever been in a drama class

dejacoendou:

hey-doesnt-he-rap:

chicken-nuggets-galore:

Do twins have the same sized dick?

now we’re asking the real questions

As a twin, I can say my dick is definitely bigger than my sister’s.

thesassycat:

thesassycat:

thesassycat:

thesassycat:

I was so sleep deprived the other day that I tried to zoom in on a paper

wtf I just made that post

oh wait that is my post

I havent slept in 2 days

Dad: Why are your eyes so red, son?
Son: I smoked weed, dad
Dad: Don't lie to me, you were crying because you are a faggot

graystripe:

graystripe:

my brother just tried to twerk but he farted by accident and now he’s crying 

he said he’s “disgraced the whole family”

wanktissue:

my youngest sister got detention and a letter home because a boy said to her “girls don’t fart” so she sat on him and farted i’m actually dying 

mrcraabs:

i woke up in the middle of the night because i thought of a text post so i drafted it half asleep and all it says is ‘scooby doo 25 to life’

urinatings:

hitlersbreastmilk:

theres nothing in this house to eat ill just starve until my mom comes home

don’t eat your mom

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