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Added at 2:51pm189,491 notes

embrace-your-inner-lunatic:

danaorherdouble:

casandkittens:

gandalfthesassy:

casandkittens:

today a kid in my Drama class got detention but he pulled a Monopoly get Out Of Jail free card out of his wallet and my teacher let him out of it

how do you get detention in drama

long story short he kicked the ceiling by accident

how do you kick a ceiling

by accident

have you ever been in a drama class

(Source: cutietaire)

Added at 9:09pm404,684 notes

dejacoendou:

hey-doesnt-he-rap:

chicken-nuggets-galore:

Do twins have the same sized dick?

now we’re asking the real questions

As a twin, I can say my dick is definitely bigger than my sister’s.

Added at 11:26pm558,658 notes
tayalldaynyc:

world history in one sentence

thesassycat:

thesassycat:

thesassycat:

thesassycat:

I was so sleep deprived the other day that I tried to zoom in on a paper

wtf I just made that post

oh wait that is my post

I havent slept in 2 days

Added at 2:52pm387,346 notes
  • Dad: Why are your eyes so red, son?
  • Son: I smoked weed, dad
  • Dad: Don't lie to me, you were crying because you are a faggot
Added at 11:26pm404,983 notes

graystripe:

graystripe:

my brother just tried to twerk but he farted by accident and now he’s crying 

he said he’s “disgraced the whole family”

(Source: graystripe)

Added at 5:15pm173,664 notes
butt-berry:

Thanks for the help Plusle

wanktissue:

my youngest sister got detention and a letter home because a boy said to her “girls don’t fart” so she sat on him and farted i’m actually dying 

Added at 3:01pm254,322 notes

mrcraabs:

i woke up in the middle of the night because i thought of a text post so i drafted it half asleep and all it says is ‘scooby doo 25 to life’

Added at 3:45pm144,557 notes
funnyorwtf:

Quite possibly the best/worst fortune cookie fortune ever.

Added at 11:30am72,608 notes

urinatings:

hitlersbreastmilk:

theres nothing in this house to eat ill just starve until my mom comes home

don’t eat your mom

Added at 10:18am117,299 notes